“I want my mama.”
_ Baby Head in Season 1 Episode 1
the bond between a mother and daughter is something that will always amaze me. yeah, i’m 18 and won’t have kids until waaayyy in the future but it’s a relationship that will make me admire my mother. she’s loud, social when she wants to be, radiant, and beautiful.
i don’t usually dedicate posts to people, although i write about some people, i want to dedicate this to my mother. we had a rough night last night (well tonight as i’m writing this) but we made a huge step in improving our relationship. we spent the day together, which we usually do on her day off, and i love these days. sometimes she goes a little overboard, and sure i get annoyed, but at the end of the day i’m happy.
i know i’ll look back on these moments when i’m older and smile while reminiscing. i want to enjoy these moments while i can. i want to appreciate all the fun things we do together. we go find new coffee places that we haven’t tried in the south bay, we find eateries in the area so we don’t have to go back home to the little reality that is our life.
we live every thursday as though its a life away from reality. sometimes they won’t be great days, but every time we move past a miscommunication, argument, or misunderstanding i’m proud of us.
we’ve gone through our fair share of bumps in the road, and by fair share i mean a lot. it was hard for us to bond and get along really. her parenting style wasn’t the greatest, and she knows that now and luckily she’s changed. i’ve changed too.
change is a two way street. my mom acknowledged that i was a depressed, anxious, and neurodivergent girl when i was around 12-13 years old. this was the turning point of our relationship. most of my friends love my mother; but, it was kind of hard for me to see her as anything BUT my mom. i’m not sure if that makes complete sense but i hope you can make sense of the madness that i’m writing.
as far as i can remember, we wouldn’t have a lot of good moments when i was younger. she was decently strict, but she rarely said no. the hardest times were in the summer. i won’t go into details, but that was when i started to lie about doing the dishes….yes yes, kind of a stupid thing to lie about, but i always told myself i’d do them sometime throughout the day.
we’ve both gone through our own journeys as a mother and daughter. i don’t expect her to know everything about motherhood, but i know that it’s insanely difficult. i see videos all the time about how different moms struggle with motherhood and i’m nervous to possibly go through it someday.
right now, all i know is that the bond between my mother and i will never be broken. i heard from somewhere (not completely sure where i heard it though) that after a baby is born, it still sees the mother as an extension of themselves. when i found this out, it was so heartwarming. in all honesty, both of my parents are an extension of me, but i’m saying this as an 18 year old.
at the end of the day, nothing will beat a hug from my mom. if i’m tired, overwhelmed, happy, or sad, my mom gives some of the best hugs i’ve ever had. it’s the type of hug where you can feel the love from the way the other person holds you.
note: i’ve been meaning to add more to this but honestly there isn’t much i can say anymore. my mother will always hold a special place in my heart and i cannot wait to make that bond with my children one day. i hope to have a daughter so we can forge a connection similar to the one my mom and i have, but we shall see what life awaits for all of us.
i will try to update on a regular basis!! probably weekly since a lot of shit is happening in my life right now 🙂
– matty bee <33
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